BATL Axe Throwing
You gotta throw axes to get love.
Everyone knows that. I mean, that's just life.
Look at-- Look at Abe Lincoln, legendary vampire hunter. Look at, uh, that tin guy who’s without a heart that the girl from Kansas finds by the golden road. Look at Gimli from The Lord of the Rings.
All three people, all axe throwers, all loved.
And now for the first time ever at the Tim Hortons Ottawa Dragon Boat Festival you too can join that legendary trio that is so ingrained into the mind’s eye of every man, woman, and child on Earth. When you first enter The Cabin you will feel their spirits looking over you, guiding you towards axe throwing immortality. Let them coach you: President Lincoln will explain to you that when throwing an axe, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” And then he will stare at you with his ghost eyes and expect you to figure out that he’s trying to tell you how to properly stand whilst throwing. He’ll then tell you that you don’t need to take 4 score about it. Does anyone even know what a score is? Anyway he gets annoyed with you and mumbles something about how he’d rather be at the theatre, which allows the Tinman to step in. He tells you to focus on the beating of your heart and begin your wind up and release in between heartbeats. You then realize that he doesn’t have a heart and ask him if he is familiar with what the average human being’s standing beats per minute heartrate is? He tells you to just follow the yellow brick road which is no help at all cause you’re standing outside a tent. On a beach. With no roads. Plus, how does that relate to axe throwing anyway. I’d say Gimli might be of some help but all he ever says is that you have his axe, or that nobody tosses a Dwarf, or some story about Dwarf women looking and sounding like Dwarf men. None of which are helpful.
Ultimately the axe throwing trio of immortals won’t be of much help, but the nice people from BATL will be able to give you all the tips and encouragement you need to be able to tell your friends that you too can axe throw.
BATL Axe's mission is to show people the power of being good to each other, using the axe as a tool to build community inspired by our backyard roots. Events are led by experienced axe throwing coaches to make sure you have a great time while learning how to throw with the proper technique.
- Festival Schedule 2018
- Accommodation Partners
- Greening Efforts
- Festival Map
- The Cabin
- Paddler's Paradise
- Overdose Awareness
- Safer Music Spaces
- Diversity and Inclusion Policy